Monday, January 7, 2008

Family Affair

On a serious note....

Things with my Dad are shitty they have been shitty for a looong time. We don't really talk, and that's not my fault. I tried. I tried many times. I eventually got sick and tired of trying to get my dad to like me. I thought that was something that got embedded into you when you become a parent, your suppose to like your kid, and want to be there for them. I have been able to cope with the fact things are not like that for us, and now i just kind of accept it. I know he loves me, I think that its in there somewhere. He would never wish me any ill will and I would never ever do that to him. I think that he is coming to realize that things are so far gone for us and he doesn't know what to do to fix it. I would like to think that he does want a relationship with me. I am usually ok with how things are between us. Well not ok but I can deal with it. Except for now....He is having heart problems and has had very minor heart attacks but now he apparently needs bi-pass surgery.
( I say apparently because he is the most honest person, and he does or says things to get a reaction out of people..usually to make them feel sorry for him. I don't feed into this kind of thing anymore. He can be very manipulative when it comes to the people in my family. Which is so crappy to say but its true. Its also really crappy that I don't no if I believe him about the surgery. I may come off to you as some ungrateful bitch. but you do not know me or the situation I have been in. )
If this is as serious as it sounds then I really do hope that he can receive the care that he needs to better himself. I don't want anything to ever happen to him. I just want to know he is there and he is okay. I would like to eventually try again with my dad. Just not now. Just not because its a holiday birthday or anything. It will have to be my own terms. before we try to reconcile some kind of relationship again. He would have to get some serious help for himself. physically and mentally. Because my head still hurts from repeatedly running into that brick wall.

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