Friday, October 26, 2007

Crazies, & Crackheads, & Bookies OH MY!!!

Just your average Friday around here...

You've got your run of the mill crazy people, crackheads across the way, and bookies on the phone.
Friday tends to be the day when the proverbial shit hits the fan. It always starts with a crazy person not so much a crackhead...but oh no not today. Mercedes Man from across the way was parked in the parking lot, let me start off by saying he has been warned before..Therese a.k.a Marie Barone decided one day to block him in his spot with her car and Joe's truck...this did not stop him...he somehow got in how he got inside we will never know.. but one thing I do know is, you cant trust a crackhead. But don't get me started on those crackheads I left a nasty note on his car. Out of the corner of my eye I see him watching me put it on, and then started walking towards me.."AHH!" I said, and ran inside like a little school girl...this all comes back to my theory of you cannot trust a crackhead..I didn't no what he was going to do/say to me so in my fight or flight response I flew..and I'm ok with that, not ashamed one bit.
A few hours later...
A bookie calls for the boss (how mafia-esk does that sound) and i did my standard..
"He is not available at the moment, can i take a message?"
"just put him on the phone, I know he is there"
me-"UMmmm...he really isn't here"
"Fine i will get in touch with him later...CLICK."
These guys mean business..I don't want to piss them off, because i really like my kneecaps and plan on keeping them..
I have my far share of crazy people on a daily basis (please see Wednesdays blog), but because it is Friday there always seems to be a few of the real good ones thrown in the in particular is now crossing from the harmless crazy side, over yonder to the 5th floor harmful crazies. I try and keep my distance, but since I'm a big giant *crazy magnet* they find me. She now has started to be sweet as sugar to everyone one else, but when we are alone (which i try to make sure never happens) The craziness lets loose and she goes off on these rambles that make no sense to anyone, not even herself so she inevitably ends up smacking her self in the side of the was one of those moments...and again I refrain back to my classic deer in the headlights looked contemplating weather or not I speak or stay really quiet while still hoping that she doesn't see me, and goes away..

Thursday, October 25, 2007


A little peak into my evening..

I come home and its pitch black, so dark it was probably lighter outside.
Me: "Show yourself dammit, come out, man up...ok I'm sorry it was all my fault I will tell you what you want to know...come on pleaseeeee"( i didn't do anything i tend to crack under pressure)

......silence me in the dark............

ME: "ok guys not funny anymore........I'M afraid of the dark...COME OUT!!!"

...................Lights all come back on......circuit breaker tripped and everything including the stove gets shut off........

Me: "uhhh"

Yes I'm 21yrs old, and afraid of the dark...I'm also afraid of ghosts...the 2 go hand in hand it just makes sense to be afraid of both....

How i got roped into this is beyond me I had nothing to do with the antics of tonight..the lesson Daniel (my brother) has learned...

dont screw with momma.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Please forgive me but...

Stop Talking!...I wish I could say this to people without looking like a complete and total bitch.
There are some people out there that are 100% okay with telling you every intimate detail of their life. I'm sorry but eww lady I DO NOT want to hear about your affair with the trucker down in PA, and how his "lovin" makes your skin tingle for days...ew ew ew fun-kay. Ugh, seriously, stop talking...Apparently I am some kind of magnet to these "people". When in your odd shaped little head did it seem totally normal to blurt out the fact that
"Hey last weekend we meet up at our spot and that truck was a rockin, and I got some great shots with my new digital camera!" (EWW!!) this point I have put on my imaginary ear muffs over my ears scanning my desk for an object I could quickly and painlessly end my life at that particular moment.

Whyyy are you still talking lady? Just stop, save yourself the embarrassment. The most insane part of this is, it's nothing out of the norm for her it is not embarrassing nor is it considered poor taste...eww she is still talking...If she talks to me like this could you imagine what she may discuss with her co-workers, or a hair dresser for that matter....

I think she has stopped..and now I am sitting here like a deer in the headlights racking my brain with something to reply to all this......

A fake cheesy grin and.. "Will it be Cash Check or Charge?"

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

brake, Brake, BRRRAKKEEE!!!!

Teaching Daniel(my brother) how to drive....Wouldn't it be stellar if the passenger side of the car had a brake peddle....Well it would have came in handy today.....I don't know why he finds it necessary to brake at the LAST possible second before coming up to a vehicle...You see, before he was slamming on the breaks when a car 2 blocks ahead of us was making a right turn. Of course I then had to open up my big mouth and told him to stop breaking. I seriously didn'nt think that he would take it literally and not stop until our bumper was kissing the ass end of every Soccer mom out there...

As a result of this I look like a crazy person in the passenger seat stomping my foot on the floor of the car where my "imagenary brake peddle" is....

So when all of you out there in blogger land are saying your prayers tonight to little baby jesus, ALah, buddah, whoever....say a little prayer for poor @shley out there.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Hands off ladies he's all mine

So when they say that "The honey moons over" they mean it....Fast forward 5 1/2 years & it's way out the door...

We get into bed and my first mistake last night was......
Merely saying "Honey bun I'm freezing"

He replied with.....

"Oh really i can take care of that"

And all of a sudden a rumble that could be heard ricashaing through the hills erupted in my bedroom...that sound you guessed it a monstrous fart that my man let rip..

"OH MY GODDD!!!!!!!!! why did you do that"

"Oh that I call it a little global warming...don't you feel better, didn't it warm the bed can feel the difference can't you. No need to thank me babe, anytime"

"Well the next time you feel a little global warming coming on give me a warning to prepare"

Oh yes ladies he is all mine...

Friday, October 19, 2007

Son of a Bitch Ass Toeeee........

Son of a bitch ass TOEEEEEeeeeee.............. Can be heard lingering throughout my house daily... I have a problem. I'm a chronic toe stubber/breaker/basher/smasher any way you say it i beat the living crap out of my poor piggies daily. It isn't even on purpose. I'm such a klutz and extremely accident prone( i get this from my momma, this women was putting dishes away and cut her self with a spoon).

I have broken both big toes...1 due to a hard core stubbing during double overtime beerpong and the other well due to my own stupidity.....trying to kick your brother in (ear muffs grandma) the twig and berries not so smart, because inevitably he will try and block you with his boulder like kneecaps resulting in a painful embarrassing break....try explaining that one to the doctor and the 3 other nurses he brings in to hear the story..Good one

I have kiddie toes on my grown up feet its bizarre and yes there will be a picture to come.... stay tuned

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Long time no post

I'am Baaaaccckkkk.........................

It has been many days since my last post. THe reason for this is simple....I got yelled at by my grandma for it......apparently Edward forty hands didn't sound appealing to her....Stunned I know, so was I. Posts will return to a regular basis