tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256403876116928412024-03-13T06:51:17.355-04:00@shleyMCBOOTYUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-73517812632371407212010-03-24T05:39:00.000-04:002010-03-24T05:40:25.217-04:00dadUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-77498926567950529162008-09-08T13:01:00.003-04:002008-09-08T13:10:37.420-04:00Conversation with DaveI tried tricking him into eating <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">pirogis</span>, I know he will love them he just refuses to try them.<br />Me "Dinner is in the fridge. I made <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">potato</span> pockets with a dipping sauce"<br /><br />Dave "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Ooooohhhh</span>, I like....."<br /><br /><strong><em>about 5 minutes of silence followed by the closing of the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">refrigerator</span> and a long <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">sighhhhhhhhhh</span></em></strong><br /><strong><em></em></strong><br />Dave" I KNOW WHAT THESE ARE THESE ARE THOSE THINGS!!!! i HATE THOSE THINGS"<br /><br />Me : You hate potatoes <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">hmm</span> news to me"<br /><br />Dave: " NO, you <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">know</span> what these are. They're those things you know.."<br /><br />Me "I have no idea what your talking about EAT THEM YOU WILL LIKE THEM"<br /><br />Dave" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">OOHhhhhhh</span> I CANT I just cant...I'm sorry, please do not make me eat them"<br /><br />Me" Oh you think that they are <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">perogis</span>....<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">nooo</span> I just formed them in that half circle shape"<br /><br />Dave "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">ohhh</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">uhh</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">nooo</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">uhhh</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">ohhh</span> god no please i have had these before they made me puke I will puke right here if you make me eat them....<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">uhhh</span> I can't <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">help</span> me <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Jesus</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">don't</span> let her feed me these"<br /><br />Me "You are quite possibly the worst <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">polack</span> out there."<br /><br />Dave" I KNEW IT."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-52575535977867175332008-08-22T16:36:00.013-04:002008-08-27T16:27:29.944-04:0021 life lessons Learned by the age of 21In no particular order....<br /><br />1. Time heals all wounds, in the moment it may not feel like it will but it does.<br /><br />2. The juice is worth the squeeze<br /><br />3. Dorthy said it best "There is no place like home".<br /><br />4. Take as many pictures as you can when you are old and senile you'll be happy you did.<br /><br />5. Half the fun of a trip is getting there, so do stop and smell the roses along the way.<br /><br />6. Pick your battles.<br /><br /><br />7. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. So very very true.<br /><br /><br />8. Don't wait till your old and gray to be quirky and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">eccentric</span>. Start now so you'll be a pro by<br />then.<br /><br />9. A kiss does make it feel better.<br /><br />10. Everything tastes better if you share it.<br /><br />11. Those weird guys in school <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">actually</span> do grow up to be millionaires, so be nice to them.<br /><br />12. Bad things happen to good people.<br /><br /><br />13. Everyone make mistakes.<br /><br /><br />14. Always give people a second chance, not a third or fourth.<br /><br />15. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.<br /><br />16. Think before you speak . (still have a hard time with this one.)<br /><br />17. never give up, never <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">surrender</span><br /><br />18. When there is an elephant in the room introduce it.<br /><br />19. Don't wish your life away<br /><br />20. Everyone needs a skip day now and then.<br /><br />21. Flow with the Flow.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-22126458070180663992008-08-01T15:48:00.002-04:002008-08-22T11:59:03.302-04:00Meet the BakersDave Baker is finally making an honest women outta me. We have been happily engaged for 2 weeks now. Im rocking some pretty fancy "bling" on my finger if I may say so....<br /><br /><br /><br />I am sitting here on the couch blogging when I am suppose to be packing. Me and the fiance (that sounds so Cheese we need to come up with a better word here.) are going on vacation!...with his Dad's family. I'm not quit sure what to expect on this trip. What I can expect is to be called Amber, Lisa, Amy, & Sweetheart, because after 6 1/2 years of being around this family THEY STILL do not know my name....They even give me the cold shoulder out in public. I will say hello and they look at me like I am a complete stranger. Drr people, it's me Ashley there is a picture of me in your family calendar hanging up in your kitchen. When we get married They are all going to be there like aw she is a nice girl what ever happend to that other one amber?........AMBERS DEAD!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-46997228708060962542008-06-30T10:41:00.004-04:002008-06-30T17:15:27.825-04:00You got a PURTY MOUTH...This past weekend I attended a Family reunion. More like a circus then a reunion. I have been abscent from the festivities for last 3 years. Because I am the oh holy protacal child who can do no wrong, I decided to grace the family with my prescence. let me give you a BREIF backround so you can paint a pretty little picture in your head.<br />My Grandpa is like 1 out of 15 kids. Living out in the middle of the Adirondacks with no Moving Picture Box, or People Magazine Subscription things get pretty boring I guess, and as a result of this he got 15 brothers and sisters. Ohhh my god my family is like the DUGGARDS!....oh god off topic... Anyway they are hillbillys and everytime I look at one I hear the music from delivernce playing on a continuous loop in my head. There was this one that use to follow me around with his camera my uncle and he would just take 100's of picture of me for his "Picture Book". He has not been since I stopped attending 3 years ago and thankfully he was not there Saturday. THen we have this women with 2 lazy eyes who IS OBSESSED with my mom. First off when I look at her I don't know where to look. One eye is looking North East and the other is looking somewhere West so I kind of aim north in between her eyebrow...Yes eyebrow singular. There is one. She named her daughter after my mom...Apparently the story goes..She was suppose to have a boy but when that sucker popped out it was a girl and the only name that came to her mind was AMY the name of her most favorite cousin. Just the thought of this women giving birth and the only thing getting her to pull throught was her favorite cousin AMY killed me...It's funny because they did not grow up together they don't hang out or talk on the phone...I dont even think my mom knows what this lady's name is to be honest. But every year she tells that story to anyone who will listen, and then she follows my mom around snapping pictures for "little amys picture book"....My moms "Namessake." hahahahhahahahaha........Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-63338678296634491762008-04-30T16:29:00.002-04:002008-04-30T17:05:40.803-04:00Happy Hump DayToday has felt a little like Christmas around here..... The elderly man with dementia was humming jingle bells while he waited patiently for his wife during treatment....During this time he wished me a merry christmas 4 times, Let out 2 Ho ho ho *hack hack cough*, and a felize navidad. I had to humor this man...No one else does they all tell him he is crazy...So after every "Merry Christmas" I kindly replied with " SAme to you , or happy kwanza" just to mix it up a little. Adding to the Christmas spirit I recieved a few gifts today.....<br /><br />2 VIP tickets to the special olympics<br />1 banana cream pie<br />1 mini rose bush<br />1 pair gardening gloves<br />3 green peace bumper stickers<br />1 choclate cupcake<br />1 pen with my name on it<br /><br />and a partridge in a pair tree. <br /><br />Don't hate.....at least the old lady stopped bringing in tubes of lube for me......ughhhhhhh funky.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-76896793121418395802008-04-21T11:05:00.003-04:002008-04-21T11:37:40.899-04:00NO FISH FOR YOU!!!!!!Over the weekend my roomie and I went out to find a companion for our goldfish.....fish aka willy aka Pedro aka why don't you like me you goddamn fish stop swimming away from me.<br /><br /><br /><br />We went to Petsmart..I <em>usually </em>enjoy this fine pet establishment...its clean the people are nice and the animals seem pretty happy and healthy. While we were in the fish section trying to scope out the perfect little buddy for our lonely fish at home...We finally came upon a very cute baby goldfish that was all orange with fins that looked like they were dipped in black paint on the tips. We found a girl that worked there to help us snag the little bugger. But before she even asked us which one we were bombarded with a million questions....<br /><br /><br /><br />" Do you know a gold fish is related to a carp fish"<br /><br />-why yes in fact i did....did you know they were domesticated in china and they evolved from a carp like a million years ago....take that fish lady<br /><br />"Do you have an aerator" (why yes, yes i do)<br /><br />"Well do you know what it does"<br /><br />- Well I believe it makes bubbles in the water so our fine finned friend can breathe<br /><br />This is when I start to loose patients.<br /><br />"Well do you know they need 20 gallons per fish to survive"<br /><br /><strong>bitch give me my god damn fish..... </strong>Is what I should have said but instead I replied with I had 2 gold fish a bowl WITHOUT an aerator and they lasted forever it was when I put them in a larger tank with an AERATOR that they died.<br /><br />"Well congratulations".<br /><br />It then turned into a 30 second stair down with her and I....Dave remained at my side laughing hysterical at the unbelievable display before his eyes.....I then pointed at the fish I wanted and said " I want THIS fish". So she read in and grabbed it put it in a bag handed it to me and said "Good luck".....after I paid for my little fishy and was walking out Dave said " You should have asked them how they can have 25 goldfish in a 10 gallon tank WITH AN AERATOR. I was so pissed he didn't bring that up earlier. Anyways we got him into his new home and renamed the old fish Simon and the new fish Garfunkel. We have recently come to the conclusion that they may in fact need a bigger tank...but I will be dammed if I go back to the fish department at Petsmart.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-28134201362635618252008-04-18T02:21:00.004-04:002008-04-18T09:01:00.910-04:00me me meeeeeeA little diddy I wrote my honey bun....<br /><br />If I were a cookie then, you’d be my chip,<br />If you were a chip then I’d be your dip,<br />If you were the spring ,<br />then I know I’d be the rain<br />If you were a glove<br />I’d be your big ball of love<br /><br />All I want is you, will you be my guy<br />I promise this is not another lie<br />All I want is you, will you be my guy<br />Take my hand in yours and lets learn how to fly<br /><br />If you were the early bird, Id always be your worm,<br />Our love has no boundaries it doesn’t have terms<br />If I was a tub of popcorn you’d be my butter<br />The love I have for you make my stomach flutter<br />If you were a ice cream, then I’d be your sprinkles<br />If you were a star I’d be the twinkle<br /><br />All I want is you, will be my guy<br />I promise this is not another lie<br />All I want is you, will you be my guy<br />Take my hand in yours and lets learn how to fly<br /><br />If you were firefly then I’ll be your jar<br />Keeping you close so you don’t get to far<br />If you were a tree then I’ll be your leaves<br />Keeping you cool like a warm summers breeze<br />If you were the sea, then I’d be the waves<br />I’ll just be your Ashley, and you be my DaveUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-67013174493282255102008-04-16T14:21:00.002-04:002008-04-16T15:03:30.902-04:00The Golden Years??--- My AssIf you have read my blog before you understand the fact that I get my fair share of craziness on a daily basis...<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Today's</span> craziness comes from the old <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">fogey</span> community. Here are a few <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">snippets</span> of my conversations with them today......<br /><br /><br />9 am with Helen.<br /><br />H- "I can't Make my appointment today, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">I'm</span> sick"<br /><br />Me- " Sorry to hear that I hope that I hope your okay"<br /><br />H- "Well sweetheart I got 2 pairs of underwear on, because the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">diarrhea</span> is so bad. On top of that I keep UPCHUCKING all over the house."<br /><br />Me- "........" " <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Uhhh</span>.... ..... Feel better BYE"<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />( To get the real essence of my conversation with bob you have got to picture the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">tiniest</span> little white haired man with a booming southern twang...)<br /><br />B - "SO I done can't go out <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">walkin</span> no more. Due to this here leg of mine."<br /><br />Me- (Let me start by saying Bob <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">had'nt</span> said a word to me since he had gotten here..40 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">mins</span> ago and comes out of left <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">field</span> with this interesting <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">convo</span>)<br /> " Well bob, that sucks you should get one of those rascal things. "<br />B- " I think its a corn that is hurting me.."<br /><br />Me- " .........hmmm...ouch"<br /><br />B - " <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Actually</span> the foot man said that it is my bone sticking out through the bottom wanna take a gander"<br /><br />Me ( trying not to "upchuck") "Bob you need to keep your foot in your shoe away from me on the other side of the counter ."<br /><br />Bob's wife went out shopping after her treatment and left him here....he fell asleep with his mouth wide open...snoring.<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Helen called back later in the day to update me? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">WTF</span> man.<br /><br />H- " The <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">diarrhea</span> has stopped a little, the Upchucking is still pretty nasty"<br /><br />Me- ".................(<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">ughhh</span>) Well maybe you should get off the phone and rest"<br /><br />H-" Well call me back in a few hours to ch<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">eck</span> on me <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">ok</span>? will you do that? <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Will</span> you call me back?"<br /><br />Me- ( is she kidding?....It's the flu lady you made it through the depression a war the 70's <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">I'm</span> sure you will survive a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">stomach</span> bug)....I will have the doc give ya a call in a bit...."<br /><br />Joe can handle this one for a while.<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />Lastly john<br /><br />J-" You watch 60 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">mins</span>"<br /><br />ME-"<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">ehh</span> sometimes why..." (why...always my first mistake)<br /><br />J-" Andy <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">Rooney</span> can go and shove <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">something</span> up his you know what"<br /><br />Me- <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">whheeww</span> oh no you didn't......Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-53117390046817129962008-03-19T13:56:00.002-04:002008-08-22T12:02:13.768-04:00No Assembly requiredI will never ever buy another piece of furniture that has to be put together AGAIN. 3 hours later my high top table and 4 high top charis are assembled.......Why did it take so long you may ask, Well you silly internet I put it together in the living room so I could watch The Real World and when I went to carry it into the kitchen it didnt fit through the doorway so I had to take it apart again and get it in there. A little advice from me......do not mix wine and furniture assembly at 12:00am.....the 2 just don't mix wellUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-69644930668383299922008-03-12T11:22:00.003-04:002008-03-12T11:31:10.951-04:00HOLY. CRAP. BATMAN.<div align="left"> So I got an email today about my blog from an editor at....ELLE magazine <a href="http://www.ellegirl.com/">www.ELLEGIRL.com</a>. They like me they really like me. I can hardly contain my self I don't know weather or not to pee my pants from <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">excitement</span>, or puke. This editor said that they could be interested in WORKING with ME.....uh <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">helllllooo</span> how <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">stellar</span> would that be? It is taking all the strength I have to not call her back at the number she gave me. At this point I would probably pay them to let me blog for there site/magazine. So, I have to hold off until I get off this natural high and get my head together, so I can talk business. Keep your fingers crossed.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-9772143022538023512008-03-05T09:10:00.004-05:002008-03-07T10:13:12.473-05:00It's all down hill from here.....8:00am My first patients comes shuffling through the door with her walker and plastic bag covering here new hair do. She is about 70 and can hardly move. She has a hump on her back and toots every time she takes a step....pleasent....As she makes her way over to my desk she reaches into her gym bag. Yes, she has started to lug around a gym bag with her everywhere she goes. She keeps it filled with magazines on animal rights, Greek recipes, and random literature. Because you never know when you may run into a hungry Greek man looking for literature on hearing aides who also is ill informed on the growing rates of animal kill shelters....... whheww....anyway getting off topic here.....so she rummages into her large bag of crap and pulls out a copy of a article from a magazine hands it to me and says..."I think this will do you some good". So as with the other pamphlets I receive I toss it on my desk stick her in a room and head back to see what she brought in....I started reading it and it is all about how I have reached my peak in life at age 21 and its all down hill from here.....WOW this is exactly what I want to be hearing while half asleep and a little hungover from a long night of guitar hero and drinks with friends. The article goes on to say that I am loosing flexibility and my bone mass is already depleting. It said my brain is loosing fluid around it and my memory will start to decline in a few years......??????....What the hell. It said that by age 20 your calcium levels start dropping, and I should be taking supplements. Supplements I'm freaking 21 i don't need to be taking supplements. Next it will be saying I need to start drinking boots or ensure. If that isn't goddamn depression I don't know what is. There was also a lot of other crap in their that I really couldn't choke down that early in the morning. I shredded the article and went to the gas station up the road to get a vitamin water, because you know now that I'm becoming an old hag I should try and get vitamins anywhere I can. Upon my return back to work I called my mom told her the lovely news, and asked her if she wanted a copy....hehehe. When the old lady came out and asked me what I thought I said "Helen, that was too goddamn depression for 8 in the morning. I would much rather of gotten another freaking baklava recipe"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-27273731692290708402008-02-29T16:16:00.003-05:002008-02-29T17:22:59.450-05:00Quick updateI <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">receive</span> a few emails asking why I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">haven't</span> posted in awhile...people wondering if I am dead. Well I am <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">in fact</span> not dead and very much alive. No need to fret people. SO I will give you a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Little</span> update of what has been going on lately.........<br /><br />Paintball....Is right up there with dodge ball, cruel and just plain mean. Dave and I played over the past weekend. These were the thoughts running through my head at the time- 1. why would you want to shoot your friends. - 2. If I curl up into a ball maybe they will feel bad for me and not shoot me - 3. why the bloody hell does my mask keep fogging up and I cannot see anything <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">li</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error">terly</span> nothing. -4. where the hell is <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Dave</span> so I can shoot his ass up for dragging me here. - 5. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">IM</span> OUT <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">I'M</span> OUT!!!! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">DON'T</span> SHOOT!!!! ...as you would <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">probably</span> figure this <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">didn't</span> end well for me... 50 cents go nothing on this Bi-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">atch</span> I got shot over 10 times and I am alive to talk about it.<br /><br />A soccer mom had a nervous break down in the middle of the waiting room at work...Full blow <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Brittney</span> spears moment.....crying laughing screaming...THEN!!!! I got her into a room <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Joe</span> went in to start treatments he <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">opened</span> the door and she was standing there in nothing but her birthday suit...butt ass <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">naked</span>. She then looked at him and said does this look good to ya?????? She flashed her <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">VA</span> jay jay.. Joe muttered a slew of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Chinese</span> and left the room....I don't think she'll <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">becoming</span> back.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Dave</span> has been <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">OBSESSING</span> about buying some sort of plant for the apartment. He has never ever showed any interest in plants or nature for that matter so I am a little confused. I picked up a shamrock plant and he told me that in fact it was not a plant just a ploy for me to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">keep</span> his polish roots down and rub my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">irishness</span> in his face........?????????..... Yea.. sure bud, what ever you say I all about <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">suppressing</span> your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">polack-ness</span>..... he cracks me up.<br /><br />I have a very exciting fun filled weekend.....and sadly it does not include a bottle of The <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">CAPTAIN</span> or margaritas. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">CURTAIN</span> SHOPPING....oh yea... <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">I'm</span> going crazy.... but you can bet your ass I wont be <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">paint balling</span> with <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">Dave</span>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-2420941018302822822008-02-29T15:50:00.005-05:002008-08-27T16:25:58.344-04:00she's might mighty just letting it all hang out.Quick recap of the day....<br /><br /><br /><br />Soccer mom has full blow britney spears like break down.<br /><br /><br /><br />after getting her to stop crying/laughing hystarically I get her into a room. She proceeds to get on her cell phone, and verbally attack the poor time warner cable people about over charging her for her monthly service.....becasue ya know now is a great time to take care of that. I leave her in the room with some water and a box of tissues.....<br /><br /><br /><br />The crying stops...all I hear is a long stream of sniffles from my desk...Joe enters her room to start her treatment.<br /><br /><br /><br />The door slams....and a slew of chinese cursing is heard from down the hall....*great*<br /><br />Crazy Bee-otch takes her pants off and flashes joe her va jay jay....I gurantee she doesn't come back again.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-29661911528359743322008-02-18T11:29:00.004-05:002008-02-18T11:58:15.392-05:00hold on is today Friday???So, I woke up in a hurry. Ran into the bathroom started getting ready (without my glasses on, because I fell asleep with them on so they were lost somewhere in the abyss of blankets and pillows.) Smeared on a little make up threw my hair up in a claw got dressed and ran out the door. Got to work oh about 10min late...hmm not too bad. Im doing my usually routine surfing the web getting rooms and charts together, and I notice that some patients are giving me some strange looks. nothing out of the ordinary I thought so I continue on with my morning. Joe was late also so I barely saw him at all this morning. so about 20 mins ago one of my favorite patients came in, and yes I can have favorites and give them special privallges, because frankly the rest of these people that come in are rude and piss me off. She is an 80 year old lady who does karate and is just so wonderfully cute you want to pick her up and squeeze her until she pops. I restrain my self from doing this becasue, I figure it would be frowned upon. She reminds me alot of my marney (my great grandmother, who was a 4'10 ball of fire that could light up a room) Anyways she comes and sits next to me at my desk takes one look at me and yells "Oh my sweetpea what did you do to your nose? did someone hit-cha want me to teach ya a few moves" and Im all what are you talking about.....So i get up look in the mirror and sure enough....I have one of those breathe strip things on my nose that I forgot to take off from last night, because I woke up in a hurry, and couldn't find my glasses making me totally blind....It was like one big domino effect...and FYI those breathe strips are a total piece of crap....they dont do anything. I was still all stuffy when I woke up this morning... can't wait to see what else the day shall bringUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-40088337193492760682008-02-15T16:35:00.003-05:002008-02-15T17:20:04.494-05:00strike 3 your outOver the past few weeks I have had some issues while at our lovely local gas stations. <br /> A few weeks ago I went to quick fill a full service gas station where they pump it for you...Sweet luxury if you ask me. So I see the mile long line and the one poor guy working the pump. Annoyed, but this does not deter me, the thought of getting out in the sub negative temperatures is enough to make you cringe. So I get in line behind all the other cold lazy SOB's and patiently wait for the creepy dude. Once it is my turn to pull up I roll down the window and politely ask for 20$. He obliged and started to fill it up...then walked away to get a few other cars going. After a while he comes back...and I got out 25$ (5$ for a tip) and he said 52$....."....well here ya go have a good night stay warm I say" I figured that he had just gotten me confused with another car so I gave him a wad of cash and went on my merry way. The further I got down the road the higher my little gas needle climbed. By the time I got home it was full. I contemplated heading back but in the end I decided that I am a nice person and deserve a break once and awhile in life. (I have not been back to this gas station since in fear that they will get me.)<br />Fast-forward a few weeks.<br /> I pull into the Hess in the freezing cold snow storm (I would normally got to quick fill but ya know...) and I stick my card in the pump.... it doesn't read it, and tells me to make my FIRST trip inside.... The incompetent blonde dirty girl says, "Give it another go." FINE...back out I go. I get to the Pump and nothing...BACK INSIDE I go. "Well how about you prepay" where her words of wisdom. FINE. 20$ dollars on my bank card......back outside. I start to pump and then it stopped every 10 cents. What the fuck??...Back in the goddamn Hess station......."ITS NOT WORKING" "ok well pick a different pump she says" "FINE" and I stomp back outside... I pull ahead to the next pump Throw in 20 bucks and start to pull away......All of a sudden this crazy blonde mess comes running outside waving a phone in the air screaming at me. So I stop, she starts banging on the window...by this point I am praying too little baby Jesus to give me the strength not to beat her with my gas cap... "I’m gonna call the police you need to come inside and pay again ra ra ra ra" This retard FORGOT I PRE PAID.... So I had a little badger attack on her and let her have it...and after my screaming match with the gas station attendant she in formed that "This was strike one, and one more strike I will be banned from the Hess." Like there aren’t 4 other gas stations on this road. A real big loss to me here. I called her crazy whore got back in the car and was on my way home.....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-45128703095596680102008-02-13T12:16:00.004-05:002008-02-13T14:59:04.241-05:00shhhh....<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwm8Gyg4Wg8zAmfGXzeyzL33ymCyIrBetqhmD8x6WvqDQpebTzCrn249B5uXHnJQz28Vdym9jRZat6zG16A4w' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br /><br />Krikey, we have just spotted the North American white boy doing his unusual mating dance. You must not be to loud so we don't startle him. The North American White Boy or I like to refer to him as N.A.W.B. He enjoys burger king meals KING SIZED, Beer, and video games. His dislikes include spiders any form of housework and all reality shows.<br /><br />I wonder how he would feel if he knew I posted this video of him I secretly taped. hahahaha. This is what he gets for not reading my blog. Don't ya love the dance clothes? hahaha I have a few others to come.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-88099966182654980182008-02-11T13:00:00.000-05:002008-02-11T15:22:28.907-05:00I feel pretty, Oh so pretty<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_yzFX8agSTQM/R7CudNcPKtI/AAAAAAAAADI/502965aYN1M/s1600-h/mirror.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5165820589441493714" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_yzFX8agSTQM/R7CudNcPKtI/AAAAAAAAADI/502965aYN1M/s320/mirror.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_yzFX8agSTQM/R7CP9NcPKsI/AAAAAAAAADA/OomkNV2HQ5o/s1600-h/0210082239[1].JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5165787054336846530" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_yzFX8agSTQM/R7CP9NcPKsI/AAAAAAAAADA/OomkNV2HQ5o/s320/0210082239%5B1%5D.JPG" border="0" /></a> This is pretty Mirror I picked up at Target from their global bazaar collection for like $40.00. I love the starburst design and the shawdows the mother of pearl circles casts on the wall. I even hung It up all by myself......3 screws and 5 holes later it was up. Im sure the neighbors upstairs appreciated the thud of the electric screw drviver slamming into the wall and the cursing everytime I attempted a new screw. Dave HATES it, oh well. I guess I would be questioning our relationship if he got as gitty about it as I did.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-39739875279262320912008-02-08T15:39:00.001-05:002008-02-11T12:50:25.281-05:00Local YokelAs any other friday starts I am sitting at my desk surfing the latest gossip news when this old farmer-esk man came barreling in the door like a tornado. He was a tiny little man about 70 with a scruffy beard and an accent that remsembled someone right out of the show king of the hill.<br /><br />"The name is WILLY, put ER there sweetheart."<br /><br />For the love of god here we go....it must be friday I think to myself.<br /><br />"Now-a I done got this here paper from the lawyers down in the big city buildings"<br /><br />(reffering to binghamton..big city...ha)<br /><br />So I took a gander at his paper work...this hillbilly talk is contagious)....once I told him that his appointment here was canceld a week ago he rambled off into a slew off "WELL-a god dang im gonna takem them there guys and im gonna god dang punch-em in-dar slick hair style did heads....<br /><br />"you go with your bad self WILLY"<br /><br />and just like that he spun out of here muttering to himself under his breath how he was gonna take em city boys and go like dis er er errr.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-69566754565025886192008-02-06T11:26:00.000-05:002008-02-06T11:36:46.684-05:00how YOU doingOut with my brother last night...and we went to the drive through window at Taco Bell.....(mmmm quesadillas)..... We pull up to the window after what seemed like an eternity of waiting for my crispy little pocket of love....(mmm quesadillas).... he looks at the man and says...."Well, what took so long<em><strong> junior</strong></em>???"<br /><br />I lost it laughing...You know the kind, the silent shaking tear filled hope you dont pee your pants kind of laugh. He is his funniest when he does not try. The kid cracks me up. <br /><br /><br />Upon dropping him off he sits in my passenger seat he lets one ripp, looks at me and yells "how YOUUUU doing"?...and departs from my car. Ah yes, family....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-45722922812352982872008-02-04T13:00:00.000-05:002008-02-06T11:38:51.197-05:00Further MoreI was persuing my usual news this morning... Perezhilton.com tmz.com cbsnews.com news.yahoo.com and the BBC news when I cam across a story on the BBC about the British...these are my people..as are the Irish....but anyway They polled 5,000 (british people in england) people and asked them questions....they asked if they thought CHRUCHILL was real or a myth.....and 47% said myth................... more then half thought sherlock holmes was real??? really people are you kidding me? If my great grandfather (POP) was alive he would have had a heart attack when he heard this, and then he would have written a strongly worded letter that would come to an end with the words "further more" . Really Britian are you serious. I am a little embarressaed here for my people...all I can say is atleast Im not polish. (sorry dave)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-56732700725298700832008-01-30T13:06:00.000-05:002008-02-03T12:34:52.873-05:00Death of a SalesmenThe local News paper can take there adds and shove them up there ass as far as I am <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">concerned. They are so pushy and I so easily take the bait, and they have figured it out. They have been praying on me like a a big mean shark and a cute little baby seal. I was <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">literally</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">hiding</span> from them today... I walked out to my car to go pick up lunch...and the pushy salesmen dude was sitting there in his little <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">green</span> caviler...he didn't notice me, sweet. But then I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">panicked</span> got out of my car, because I thought he would see me in my car and get out and try and corner me. I also didn't want him knowing what type of car I drive.....he <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">had</span> to of seen me get out though, now that I think about it I must have looked like an idiot...I totally played it off like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">ohh</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">mann</span> I forgot my keys I better run back inside and fetch them... So I slipped through the back jack...and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">conveniently</span> timed it so I went out the back door again as he came in the front...while all this was going down <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Joe</span> was sitting at his desk asking me "what <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">da</span> hell is going on???" "Are you back yet u have my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">peperchonie</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">pizza</span>.. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">dat</span> was fast" <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">and</span> I was all "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">SHHHHHhhhhhhh</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">boss man</span> quiet down" then I popped out the back door at the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">precise</span> moment he entered the front...<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Joe</span> almost blew my cover opening the door and yelling to me why you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">runn</span> Ash-a-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">ree</span>??? I then got to my car put it in reverse and started to back out of the parking lot ALL OF A <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">SUDDEN</span> (DA DA <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">DAAAAAA</span>) The Garbage Men Stopped right at the end of the parking lot blocking the driveway...I was trapped....so in <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Ashley</span> fashion, I got out of the car walked my self right up to that stinky truck and told them to move it. Just as I pulled out he came strolling out and waved me over...I pretended like my phone rang and didn't notice him AH HA! Ashley 1 Salesmen 0...... Maybe next time buddy, but not today.<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-31169605943029964452008-01-28T15:46:00.000-05:002008-01-28T17:13:20.006-05:00Papa's Got A Brand New Bag-----Conversation with my roomie last night after he got home from work-------<br /><br />Him " Whats all this crap" (referring to all the "crap" I had boughten earlier that night while he was at work...he he he)<br /><br />Me "Oh just some more stuff I unpacked"<br /><br />Him "YOu went shopping, this is new stuff....look this is still in plastic "<br /><br />Me ".................."<br /><br />Him " we dont need anymore crap"<br /><br />me "this isn't crap its stuff I have had a wicked long, that thing in plastic was from christmas, it was a present"<br /><br />him " ohh well its nice"<br /><br />......he goes in the kitchen and starts to make something to eat and all of a sudden lets out a boysterous " AH HAaaaaaa.......new my ass, here is the box that UGLY mirror came in and more pastic from that new whatever that funky thing is...u are a pathalogical liar"<br /><br />Me" Oh yea maybe i did buy that stuff....I forgot...Love ya Babe"<br /><br />Him "........you think u know a person......now make me some food woman"<br /><br />Me " GOOD LUUUCK"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-27693723470644648682008-01-28T10:29:00.000-05:002008-01-28T12:41:05.475-05:00just DANCE!Dance Dance <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Revolution</span> 2 is taking over my life. I am <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">addicted</span>. I can't get enough of this game. I am a Dancing fool, and proud of it. Saturday night started it off when we had an OLD SCHOOL DANCE OFF... let me just tell you... it was even more fun then it sounds. I will be uploading some video I took. Dave kicked my ass...I just don't have the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">coordination</span> I guess. I also was trying so hard not to pee my pants from laughing....this could have thrown my game off a bit. SO <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Sunday</span> I had <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Dan</span> (my brother) come over and see if he was up to the challenge... He beat me to.. BUT, when it comes to speed and agility.......<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">I'm</span> the champ...I dance DANCED to the bangles walk like an <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Egyptian</span> (don't pretend like you <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">don't</span> know what <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">I'm</span> talking about) I did all the steps in 30seconds.......I set a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">goddamn</span> world record with that one. They should put me in the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Guinness</span> book. So for all of you out there I dare you....no triple dog dare you to a dance DANCE challenge and try and beat my time.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3625640387611692841.post-28268061569121163222008-01-25T15:01:00.000-05:002008-02-06T15:59:19.960-05:00R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means bitches!<span style="color:#663300;">I can't seem to get any respect around here from the patients. Did they forget who I am, I'm the GODDAMN OFFICE MANAGER <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">thats</span> who I am bitches. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Mannnnn</span>, You can clearly see that I am on the phone with a patient, billing another one right <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">infront</span> of me, and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">taking</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Joes</span> lunch order down...so is it really necessary to be standing there next to me going "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">ashley</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Ashley</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">ASHLEYYYY</span>!" For the love of god. You people are not small children. I am not your mommy, you <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">don't</span> need me to hold your hand so go sit down and wait your turn, and maybe if your good I will give you a gold star for the day....... I also love the ones that will stand there and stare you down until you acknowledge them, even though you are with someone else at that particular moment. Then you have the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">huffer</span> and puffers, "Huhhhhhhhhhhh......SIghhhhhhhh.....errrrrrr" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Hmmm</span> maybe I should start <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">mimicking</span> them so they can see how foolish they really look. If you are so busy in your life that you cannot take 30 secs to sit down, you should reevaluate some things. I am so sorry that you have shown up 25<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">mins</span> before your appointment and expect to get in..I scheduled you at this time <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">because</span> there wasn't anything available 25 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">mins</span> earlier...<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Im</span> not doing this to <strong><em>(ear muffs grandma) </em></strong>fuck with you, or make your life a living hell. I am a nice girl most of the time unless you really piss me off, then i would have no reason to intentionally screw you over and schedule your acupuncture face lift treatment at the same time little billy and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">cindy</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">lou</span> get out of piano practice.....Some people walk in past me like they own the place and make a bee line right to the rooms. ???????? When the hell did that become acceptable? They are also vetoing my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">cancellation</span> policy for the new year. 24 hour notice or you <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">receive</span> at $20.00 <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">penalty</span> fee. Well....to start off when that sign went up it cause a HUGE uproar..<br />"what if there is to much snow on the ground" " I get headaches out of nowhere" "what if the car breaks down" what if.... what if..... what if..... anything short of a death in the family you will be charged. Sorry about it, folks....<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">life's</span> hard wear a helmet.<br /><br /><br />It feels nice getting that off my chest...</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0