Friday, February 29, 2008

Quick update

I receive a few emails asking why I haven't posted in awhile...people wondering if I am dead. Well I am in fact not dead and very much alive. No need to fret people. SO I will give you a Little update of what has been going on lately.........

Paintball....Is right up there with dodge ball, cruel and just plain mean. Dave and I played over the past weekend. These were the thoughts running through my head at the time- 1. why would you want to shoot your friends. - 2. If I curl up into a ball maybe they will feel bad for me and not shoot me - 3. why the bloody hell does my mask keep fogging up and I cannot see anything li
terly nothing. -4. where the hell is Dave so I can shoot his ass up for dragging me here. - 5. IM OUT I'M OUT!!!! DON'T SHOOT!!!! ...as you would probably figure this didn't end well for me... 50 cents go nothing on this Bi-atch I got shot over 10 times and I am alive to talk about it.

A soccer mom had a nervous break down in the middle of the waiting room at work...Full blow Brittney spears moment.....crying laughing screaming...THEN!!!! I got her into a room Joe went in to start treatments he opened the door and she was standing there in nothing but her birthday suit...butt ass naked. She then looked at him and said does this look good to ya?????? She flashed her VA jay jay.. Joe muttered a slew of Chinese and left the room....I don't think she'll becoming back.

Dave has been OBSESSING about buying some sort of plant for the apartment. He has never ever showed any interest in plants or nature for that matter so I am a little confused. I picked up a shamrock plant and he told me that in fact it was not a plant just a ploy for me to keep his polish roots down and rub my irishness in his face........?????????..... Yea.. sure bud, what ever you say I all about suppressing your polack-ness..... he cracks me up.

I have a very exciting fun filled weekend.....and sadly it does not include a bottle of The CAPTAIN or margaritas. CURTAIN SHOPPING....oh yea... I'm going crazy.... but you can bet your ass I wont be paint balling with Dave.

she's might mighty just letting it all hang out.

Quick recap of the day....



Soccer mom has full blow britney spears like break down.



after getting her to stop crying/laughing hystarically I get her into a room. She proceeds to get on her cell phone, and verbally attack the poor time warner cable people about over charging her for her monthly service.....becasue ya know now is a great time to take care of that. I leave her in the room with some water and a box of tissues.....



The crying stops...all I hear is a long stream of sniffles from my desk...Joe enters her room to start her treatment.



The door slams....and a slew of chinese cursing is heard from down the hall....*great*

Crazy Bee-otch takes her pants off and flashes joe her va jay jay....I gurantee she doesn't come back again.

Monday, February 18, 2008

hold on is today Friday???

So, I woke up in a hurry. Ran into the bathroom started getting ready (without my glasses on, because I fell asleep with them on so they were lost somewhere in the abyss of blankets and pillows.) Smeared on a little make up threw my hair up in a claw got dressed and ran out the door. Got to work oh about 10min late...hmm not too bad. Im doing my usually routine surfing the web getting rooms and charts together, and I notice that some patients are giving me some strange looks. nothing out of the ordinary I thought so I continue on with my morning. Joe was late also so I barely saw him at all this morning. so about 20 mins ago one of my favorite patients came in, and yes I can have favorites and give them special privallges, because frankly the rest of these people that come in are rude and piss me off. She is an 80 year old lady who does karate and is just so wonderfully cute you want to pick her up and squeeze her until she pops. I restrain my self from doing this becasue, I figure it would be frowned upon. She reminds me alot of my marney (my great grandmother, who was a 4'10 ball of fire that could light up a room) Anyways she comes and sits next to me at my desk takes one look at me and yells "Oh my sweetpea what did you do to your nose? did someone hit-cha want me to teach ya a few moves" and Im all what are you talking about.....So i get up look in the mirror and sure enough....I have one of those breathe strip things on my nose that I forgot to take off from last night, because I woke up in a hurry, and couldn't find my glasses making me totally blind....It was like one big domino effect...and FYI those breathe strips are a total piece of crap....they dont do anything. I was still all stuffy when I woke up this morning... can't wait to see what else the day shall bring

Friday, February 15, 2008

strike 3 your out

Over the past few weeks I have had some issues while at our lovely local gas stations.
A few weeks ago I went to quick fill a full service gas station where they pump it for you...Sweet luxury if you ask me. So I see the mile long line and the one poor guy working the pump. Annoyed, but this does not deter me, the thought of getting out in the sub negative temperatures is enough to make you cringe. So I get in line behind all the other cold lazy SOB's and patiently wait for the creepy dude. Once it is my turn to pull up I roll down the window and politely ask for 20$. He obliged and started to fill it up...then walked away to get a few other cars going. After a while he comes back...and I got out 25$ (5$ for a tip) and he said 52$....."....well here ya go have a good night stay warm I say" I figured that he had just gotten me confused with another car so I gave him a wad of cash and went on my merry way. The further I got down the road the higher my little gas needle climbed. By the time I got home it was full. I contemplated heading back but in the end I decided that I am a nice person and deserve a break once and awhile in life. (I have not been back to this gas station since in fear that they will get me.)
Fast-forward a few weeks.
I pull into the Hess in the freezing cold snow storm (I would normally got to quick fill but ya know...) and I stick my card in the pump.... it doesn't read it, and tells me to make my FIRST trip inside.... The incompetent blonde dirty girl says, "Give it another go." FINE...back out I go. I get to the Pump and nothing...BACK INSIDE I go. "Well how about you prepay" where her words of wisdom. FINE. 20$ dollars on my bank card......back outside. I start to pump and then it stopped every 10 cents. What the fuck??...Back in the goddamn Hess station......."ITS NOT WORKING" "ok well pick a different pump she says" "FINE" and I stomp back outside... I pull ahead to the next pump Throw in 20 bucks and start to pull away......All of a sudden this crazy blonde mess comes running outside waving a phone in the air screaming at me. So I stop, she starts banging on the window...by this point I am praying too little baby Jesus to give me the strength not to beat her with my gas cap... "I’m gonna call the police you need to come inside and pay again ra ra ra ra" This retard FORGOT I PRE PAID.... So I had a little badger attack on her and let her have it...and after my screaming match with the gas station attendant she in formed that "This was strike one, and one more strike I will be banned from the Hess." Like there aren’t 4 other gas stations on this road. A real big loss to me here. I called her crazy whore got back in the car and was on my way home.....

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

shhhh....

video

Krikey, we have just spotted the North American white boy doing his unusual mating dance. You must not be to loud so we don't startle him. The North American White Boy or I like to refer to him as N.A.W.B. He enjoys burger king meals KING SIZED, Beer, and video games. His dislikes include spiders any form of housework and all reality shows.

I wonder how he would feel if he knew I posted this video of him I secretly taped. hahahaha. This is what he gets for not reading my blog. Don't ya love the dance clothes? hahaha I have a few others to come.

Monday, February 11, 2008

I feel pretty, Oh so pretty


This is pretty Mirror I picked up at Target from their global bazaar collection for like $40.00. I love the starburst design and the shawdows the mother of pearl circles casts on the wall. I even hung It up all by myself......3 screws and 5 holes later it was up. Im sure the neighbors upstairs appreciated the thud of the electric screw drviver slamming into the wall and the cursing everytime I attempted a new screw. Dave HATES it, oh well. I guess I would be questioning our relationship if he got as gitty about it as I did.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Local Yokel

As any other friday starts I am sitting at my desk surfing the latest gossip news when this old farmer-esk man came barreling in the door like a tornado. He was a tiny little man about 70 with a scruffy beard and an accent that remsembled someone right out of the show king of the hill.

"The name is WILLY, put ER there sweetheart."

For the love of god here we go....it must be friday I think to myself.

"Now-a I done got this here paper from the lawyers down in the big city buildings"

(reffering to binghamton..big city...ha)

So I took a gander at his paper work...this hillbilly talk is contagious)....once I told him that his appointment here was canceld a week ago he rambled off into a slew off "WELL-a god dang im gonna takem them there guys and im gonna god dang punch-em in-dar slick hair style did heads....

"you go with your bad self WILLY"

and just like that he spun out of here muttering to himself under his breath how he was gonna take em city boys and go like dis er er errr.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

how YOU doing

Out with my brother last night...and we went to the drive through window at Taco Bell.....(mmmm quesadillas)..... We pull up to the window after what seemed like an eternity of waiting for my crispy little pocket of love....(mmm quesadillas).... he looks at the man and says...."Well, what took so long junior???"

I lost it laughing...You know the kind, the silent shaking tear filled hope you dont pee your pants kind of laugh. He is his funniest when he does not try. The kid cracks me up.


Upon dropping him off he sits in my passenger seat he lets one ripp, looks at me and yells "how YOUUUU doing"?...and departs from my car. Ah yes, family....

Monday, February 4, 2008

Further More

I was persuing my usual news this morning... Perezhilton.com tmz.com cbsnews.com news.yahoo.com and the BBC news when I cam across a story on the BBC about the British...these are my people..as are the Irish....but anyway They polled 5,000 (british people in england) people and asked them questions....they asked if they thought CHRUCHILL was real or a myth.....and 47% said myth................... more then half thought sherlock holmes was real??? really people are you kidding me? If my great grandfather (POP) was alive he would have had a heart attack when he heard this, and then he would have written a strongly worded letter that would come to an end with the words "further more" . Really Britian are you serious. I am a little embarressaed here for my people...all I can say is atleast Im not polish. (sorry dave)