For the Love of God..

I'm sitting here at work minding my own business ( hard to believe, but yes, I am)
When in the distance I hear someone in a room screaming my name ASHLEY ASHLEY ASHLEY ASHLEY... It sounds like the fire alarms that use to go off at school....so I very hesitantly get up out of my chair and start down the hall to the room...open the door and ugly fat usually naked dude is laying there on the table begging me to REACH INTO HIS POCKET AND GET HIS KEYS!...*cringggee*
"Uhhhh No, no thank you. no" was my kind reply
" But they are stabbing me in my thigh, and I cant relax. I need your help, just do it we are are all adults."
" NO I'm sorry maybe next time you will remember to take them out, but I do not put my hands in any ones pockets except my own" (or Daves when I go on a quarter hunt for the washing machine)
"ASHLEY, just do it I'm sure you have been asked to do weirder things"
"hmmm....yes but that does not mean I do them. Get comfy and don't think about it. Goodnight"

Now maybe if it were the cute B-sens hockey player that asked me to do I probably would have. But this guy is already on thin ice around here. He comes in with his mommy. and they are always fighting. he has whacked out Norman Bates Freudian issues.

A few weeks ago they were in here and he told me I was being eternally dammed to hell because I am living in sin with my boyfriend and Jesus hates sinners. He also told me about his great cult oohh oops i mean "church" he goes to that specializes in "saving people". He even wrote the directions down and said we could car pool. ohh wouldn't you like that mama's boy. So i politely declined...He just wouldn't let it go. He kept going and going about it....so I may have gone into badger attack mode. After the 100th attempt to sign me up for his cult, no sorry "church" I said " Well maybe I should get a couple WWJD or Jesus Loves me bumper stickers slap them on the back of my car, like you have done and ride off into the sunset....and I will be right with the big man".............. After a few empty blinks and picking up his jaw from the floor he said see you next Monday same time. Looking forward to it...