Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, September 8, 2008
Conversation with Dave
I tried tricking him into eating pirogis, I know he will love them he just refuses to try them.
Me "Dinner is in the fridge. I made potato pockets with a dipping sauce"
Dave "Ooooohhhh, I like....."
about 5 minutes of silence followed by the closing of the refrigerator and a long sighhhhhhhhhh
Dave" I KNOW WHAT THESE ARE THESE ARE THOSE THINGS!!!! i HATE THOSE THINGS"
Me : You hate potatoes hmm news to me"
Dave: " NO, you know what these are. They're those things you know.."
Me "I have no idea what your talking about EAT THEM YOU WILL LIKE THEM"
Dave" OOHhhhhhh I CANT I just cant...I'm sorry, please do not make me eat them"
Me" Oh you think that they are perogis....nooo I just formed them in that half circle shape"
Dave "ohhh uhh nooo uhhh ohhh god no please i have had these before they made me puke I will puke right here if you make me eat them....uhhh I can't help me Jesus don't let her feed me these"
Me "You are quite possibly the worst polack out there."
Dave" I KNEW IT."
Me "Dinner is in the fridge. I made potato pockets with a dipping sauce"
Dave "Ooooohhhh, I like....."
about 5 minutes of silence followed by the closing of the refrigerator and a long sighhhhhhhhhh
Dave" I KNOW WHAT THESE ARE THESE ARE THOSE THINGS!!!! i HATE THOSE THINGS"
Me : You hate potatoes hmm news to me"
Dave: " NO, you know what these are. They're those things you know.."
Me "I have no idea what your talking about EAT THEM YOU WILL LIKE THEM"
Dave" OOHhhhhhh I CANT I just cant...I'm sorry, please do not make me eat them"
Me" Oh you think that they are perogis....nooo I just formed them in that half circle shape"
Dave "ohhh uhh nooo uhhh ohhh god no please i have had these before they made me puke I will puke right here if you make me eat them....uhhh I can't help me Jesus don't let her feed me these"
Me "You are quite possibly the worst polack out there."
Dave" I KNEW IT."
Friday, August 22, 2008
21 life lessons Learned by the age of 21
In no particular order....
1. Time heals all wounds, in the moment it may not feel like it will but it does.
2. The juice is worth the squeeze
3. Dorthy said it best "There is no place like home".
4. Take as many pictures as you can when you are old and senile you'll be happy you did.
5. Half the fun of a trip is getting there, so do stop and smell the roses along the way.
6. Pick your battles.
7. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. So very very true.
8. Don't wait till your old and gray to be quirky and eccentric. Start now so you'll be a pro by
then.
9. A kiss does make it feel better.
10. Everything tastes better if you share it.
11. Those weird guys in school actually do grow up to be millionaires, so be nice to them.
12. Bad things happen to good people.
13. Everyone make mistakes.
14. Always give people a second chance, not a third or fourth.
15. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
16. Think before you speak . (still have a hard time with this one.)
17. never give up, never surrender
18. When there is an elephant in the room introduce it.
19. Don't wish your life away
20. Everyone needs a skip day now and then.
21. Flow with the Flow.
1. Time heals all wounds, in the moment it may not feel like it will but it does.
2. The juice is worth the squeeze
3. Dorthy said it best "There is no place like home".
4. Take as many pictures as you can when you are old and senile you'll be happy you did.
5. Half the fun of a trip is getting there, so do stop and smell the roses along the way.
6. Pick your battles.
7. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. So very very true.
8. Don't wait till your old and gray to be quirky and eccentric. Start now so you'll be a pro by
then.
9. A kiss does make it feel better.
10. Everything tastes better if you share it.
11. Those weird guys in school actually do grow up to be millionaires, so be nice to them.
12. Bad things happen to good people.
13. Everyone make mistakes.
14. Always give people a second chance, not a third or fourth.
15. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
16. Think before you speak . (still have a hard time with this one.)
17. never give up, never surrender
18. When there is an elephant in the room introduce it.
19. Don't wish your life away
20. Everyone needs a skip day now and then.
21. Flow with the Flow.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Meet the Bakers
Dave Baker is finally making an honest women outta me. We have been happily engaged for 2 weeks now. Im rocking some pretty fancy "bling" on my finger if I may say so....
I am sitting here on the couch blogging when I am suppose to be packing. Me and the fiance (that sounds so Cheese we need to come up with a better word here.) are going on vacation!...with his Dad's family. I'm not quit sure what to expect on this trip. What I can expect is to be called Amber, Lisa, Amy, & Sweetheart, because after 6 1/2 years of being around this family THEY STILL do not know my name....They even give me the cold shoulder out in public. I will say hello and they look at me like I am a complete stranger. Drr people, it's me Ashley there is a picture of me in your family calendar hanging up in your kitchen. When we get married They are all going to be there like aw she is a nice girl what ever happend to that other one amber?........AMBERS DEAD!
I am sitting here on the couch blogging when I am suppose to be packing. Me and the fiance (that sounds so Cheese we need to come up with a better word here.) are going on vacation!...with his Dad's family. I'm not quit sure what to expect on this trip. What I can expect is to be called Amber, Lisa, Amy, & Sweetheart, because after 6 1/2 years of being around this family THEY STILL do not know my name....They even give me the cold shoulder out in public. I will say hello and they look at me like I am a complete stranger. Drr people, it's me Ashley there is a picture of me in your family calendar hanging up in your kitchen. When we get married They are all going to be there like aw she is a nice girl what ever happend to that other one amber?........AMBERS DEAD!
Monday, June 30, 2008
You got a PURTY MOUTH...
This past weekend I attended a Family reunion. More like a circus then a reunion. I have been abscent from the festivities for last 3 years. Because I am the oh holy protacal child who can do no wrong, I decided to grace the family with my prescence. let me give you a BREIF backround so you can paint a pretty little picture in your head.
My Grandpa is like 1 out of 15 kids. Living out in the middle of the Adirondacks with no Moving Picture Box, or People Magazine Subscription things get pretty boring I guess, and as a result of this he got 15 brothers and sisters. Ohhh my god my family is like the DUGGARDS!....oh god off topic... Anyway they are hillbillys and everytime I look at one I hear the music from delivernce playing on a continuous loop in my head. There was this one that use to follow me around with his camera my uncle and he would just take 100's of picture of me for his "Picture Book". He has not been since I stopped attending 3 years ago and thankfully he was not there Saturday. THen we have this women with 2 lazy eyes who IS OBSESSED with my mom. First off when I look at her I don't know where to look. One eye is looking North East and the other is looking somewhere West so I kind of aim north in between her eyebrow...Yes eyebrow singular. There is one. She named her daughter after my mom...Apparently the story goes..She was suppose to have a boy but when that sucker popped out it was a girl and the only name that came to her mind was AMY the name of her most favorite cousin. Just the thought of this women giving birth and the only thing getting her to pull throught was her favorite cousin AMY killed me...It's funny because they did not grow up together they don't hang out or talk on the phone...I dont even think my mom knows what this lady's name is to be honest. But every year she tells that story to anyone who will listen, and then she follows my mom around snapping pictures for "little amys picture book"....My moms "Namessake." hahahahhahahahaha........
My Grandpa is like 1 out of 15 kids. Living out in the middle of the Adirondacks with no Moving Picture Box, or People Magazine Subscription things get pretty boring I guess, and as a result of this he got 15 brothers and sisters. Ohhh my god my family is like the DUGGARDS!....oh god off topic... Anyway they are hillbillys and everytime I look at one I hear the music from delivernce playing on a continuous loop in my head. There was this one that use to follow me around with his camera my uncle and he would just take 100's of picture of me for his "Picture Book". He has not been since I stopped attending 3 years ago and thankfully he was not there Saturday. THen we have this women with 2 lazy eyes who IS OBSESSED with my mom. First off when I look at her I don't know where to look. One eye is looking North East and the other is looking somewhere West so I kind of aim north in between her eyebrow...Yes eyebrow singular. There is one. She named her daughter after my mom...Apparently the story goes..She was suppose to have a boy but when that sucker popped out it was a girl and the only name that came to her mind was AMY the name of her most favorite cousin. Just the thought of this women giving birth and the only thing getting her to pull throught was her favorite cousin AMY killed me...It's funny because they did not grow up together they don't hang out or talk on the phone...I dont even think my mom knows what this lady's name is to be honest. But every year she tells that story to anyone who will listen, and then she follows my mom around snapping pictures for "little amys picture book"....My moms "Namessake." hahahahhahahahaha........
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Happy Hump Day
Today has felt a little like Christmas around here..... The elderly man with dementia was humming jingle bells while he waited patiently for his wife during treatment....During this time he wished me a merry christmas 4 times, Let out 2 Ho ho ho *hack hack cough*, and a felize navidad. I had to humor this man...No one else does they all tell him he is crazy...So after every "Merry Christmas" I kindly replied with " SAme to you , or happy kwanza" just to mix it up a little. Adding to the Christmas spirit I recieved a few gifts today.....
2 VIP tickets to the special olympics
1 banana cream pie
1 mini rose bush
1 pair gardening gloves
3 green peace bumper stickers
1 choclate cupcake
1 pen with my name on it
and a partridge in a pair tree.
Don't hate.....at least the old lady stopped bringing in tubes of lube for me......ughhhhhhh funky.
2 VIP tickets to the special olympics
1 banana cream pie
1 mini rose bush
1 pair gardening gloves
3 green peace bumper stickers
1 choclate cupcake
1 pen with my name on it
and a partridge in a pair tree.
Don't hate.....at least the old lady stopped bringing in tubes of lube for me......ughhhhhhh funky.
Monday, April 21, 2008
NO FISH FOR YOU!!!!!!
Over the weekend my roomie and I went out to find a companion for our goldfish.....fish aka willy aka Pedro aka why don't you like me you goddamn fish stop swimming away from me.
We went to Petsmart..I usually enjoy this fine pet establishment...its clean the people are nice and the animals seem pretty happy and healthy. While we were in the fish section trying to scope out the perfect little buddy for our lonely fish at home...We finally came upon a very cute baby goldfish that was all orange with fins that looked like they were dipped in black paint on the tips. We found a girl that worked there to help us snag the little bugger. But before she even asked us which one we were bombarded with a million questions....
" Do you know a gold fish is related to a carp fish"
-why yes in fact i did....did you know they were domesticated in china and they evolved from a carp like a million years ago....take that fish lady
"Do you have an aerator" (why yes, yes i do)
"Well do you know what it does"
- Well I believe it makes bubbles in the water so our fine finned friend can breathe
This is when I start to loose patients.
"Well do you know they need 20 gallons per fish to survive"
bitch give me my god damn fish..... Is what I should have said but instead I replied with I had 2 gold fish a bowl WITHOUT an aerator and they lasted forever it was when I put them in a larger tank with an AERATOR that they died.
"Well congratulations".
It then turned into a 30 second stair down with her and I....Dave remained at my side laughing hysterical at the unbelievable display before his eyes.....I then pointed at the fish I wanted and said " I want THIS fish". So she read in and grabbed it put it in a bag handed it to me and said "Good luck".....after I paid for my little fishy and was walking out Dave said " You should have asked them how they can have 25 goldfish in a 10 gallon tank WITH AN AERATOR. I was so pissed he didn't bring that up earlier. Anyways we got him into his new home and renamed the old fish Simon and the new fish Garfunkel. We have recently come to the conclusion that they may in fact need a bigger tank...but I will be dammed if I go back to the fish department at Petsmart.
We went to Petsmart..I usually enjoy this fine pet establishment...its clean the people are nice and the animals seem pretty happy and healthy. While we were in the fish section trying to scope out the perfect little buddy for our lonely fish at home...We finally came upon a very cute baby goldfish that was all orange with fins that looked like they were dipped in black paint on the tips. We found a girl that worked there to help us snag the little bugger. But before she even asked us which one we were bombarded with a million questions....
" Do you know a gold fish is related to a carp fish"
-why yes in fact i did....did you know they were domesticated in china and they evolved from a carp like a million years ago....take that fish lady
"Do you have an aerator" (why yes, yes i do)
"Well do you know what it does"
- Well I believe it makes bubbles in the water so our fine finned friend can breathe
This is when I start to loose patients.
"Well do you know they need 20 gallons per fish to survive"
bitch give me my god damn fish..... Is what I should have said but instead I replied with I had 2 gold fish a bowl WITHOUT an aerator and they lasted forever it was when I put them in a larger tank with an AERATOR that they died.
"Well congratulations".
It then turned into a 30 second stair down with her and I....Dave remained at my side laughing hysterical at the unbelievable display before his eyes.....I then pointed at the fish I wanted and said " I want THIS fish". So she read in and grabbed it put it in a bag handed it to me and said "Good luck".....after I paid for my little fishy and was walking out Dave said " You should have asked them how they can have 25 goldfish in a 10 gallon tank WITH AN AERATOR. I was so pissed he didn't bring that up earlier. Anyways we got him into his new home and renamed the old fish Simon and the new fish Garfunkel. We have recently come to the conclusion that they may in fact need a bigger tank...but I will be dammed if I go back to the fish department at Petsmart.
Friday, April 18, 2008
me me meeeeee
A little diddy I wrote my honey bun....
If I were a cookie then, you’d be my chip,
If you were a chip then I’d be your dip,
If you were the spring ,
then I know I’d be the rain
If you were a glove
I’d be your big ball of love
All I want is you, will you be my guy
I promise this is not another lie
All I want is you, will you be my guy
Take my hand in yours and lets learn how to fly
If you were the early bird, Id always be your worm,
Our love has no boundaries it doesn’t have terms
If I was a tub of popcorn you’d be my butter
The love I have for you make my stomach flutter
If you were a ice cream, then I’d be your sprinkles
If you were a star I’d be the twinkle
All I want is you, will be my guy
I promise this is not another lie
All I want is you, will you be my guy
Take my hand in yours and lets learn how to fly
If you were firefly then I’ll be your jar
Keeping you close so you don’t get to far
If you were a tree then I’ll be your leaves
Keeping you cool like a warm summers breeze
If you were the sea, then I’d be the waves
I’ll just be your Ashley, and you be my Dave
If I were a cookie then, you’d be my chip,
If you were a chip then I’d be your dip,
If you were the spring ,
then I know I’d be the rain
If you were a glove
I’d be your big ball of love
All I want is you, will you be my guy
I promise this is not another lie
All I want is you, will you be my guy
Take my hand in yours and lets learn how to fly
If you were the early bird, Id always be your worm,
Our love has no boundaries it doesn’t have terms
If I was a tub of popcorn you’d be my butter
The love I have for you make my stomach flutter
If you were a ice cream, then I’d be your sprinkles
If you were a star I’d be the twinkle
All I want is you, will be my guy
I promise this is not another lie
All I want is you, will you be my guy
Take my hand in yours and lets learn how to fly
If you were firefly then I’ll be your jar
Keeping you close so you don’t get to far
If you were a tree then I’ll be your leaves
Keeping you cool like a warm summers breeze
If you were the sea, then I’d be the waves
I’ll just be your Ashley, and you be my Dave
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
The Golden Years??--- My Ass
If you have read my blog before you understand the fact that I get my fair share of craziness on a daily basis...Today's craziness comes from the old fogey community. Here are a few snippets of my conversations with them today......
9 am with Helen.
H- "I can't Make my appointment today, I'm sick"
Me- " Sorry to hear that I hope that I hope your okay"
H- "Well sweetheart I got 2 pairs of underwear on, because the diarrhea is so bad. On top of that I keep UPCHUCKING all over the house."
Me- "........" " Uhhh.... ..... Feel better BYE"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
( To get the real essence of my conversation with bob you have got to picture the tiniest little white haired man with a booming southern twang...)
B - "SO I done can't go out walkin no more. Due to this here leg of mine."
Me- (Let me start by saying Bob had'nt said a word to me since he had gotten here..40 mins ago and comes out of left field with this interesting convo)
" Well bob, that sucks you should get one of those rascal things. "
B- " I think its a corn that is hurting me.."
Me- " .........hmmm...ouch"
B - " Actually the foot man said that it is my bone sticking out through the bottom wanna take a gander"
Me ( trying not to "upchuck") "Bob you need to keep your foot in your shoe away from me on the other side of the counter ."
Bob's wife went out shopping after her treatment and left him here....he fell asleep with his mouth wide open...snoring.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helen called back later in the day to update me? WTF man.
H- " The diarrhea has stopped a little, the Upchucking is still pretty nasty"
Me- ".................(ughhh) Well maybe you should get off the phone and rest"
H-" Well call me back in a few hours to check on me ok? will you do that? Will you call me back?"
Me- ( is she kidding?....It's the flu lady you made it through the depression a war the 70's I'm sure you will survive a stomach bug)....I will have the doc give ya a call in a bit...."
Joe can handle this one for a while.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lastly john
J-" You watch 60 mins"
ME-"ehh sometimes why..." (why...always my first mistake)
J-" Andy Rooney can go and shove something up his you know what"
Me- whheeww oh no you didn't......
9 am with Helen.
H- "I can't Make my appointment today, I'm sick"
Me- " Sorry to hear that I hope that I hope your okay"
H- "Well sweetheart I got 2 pairs of underwear on, because the diarrhea is so bad. On top of that I keep UPCHUCKING all over the house."
Me- "........" " Uhhh.... ..... Feel better BYE"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
( To get the real essence of my conversation with bob you have got to picture the tiniest little white haired man with a booming southern twang...)
B - "SO I done can't go out walkin no more. Due to this here leg of mine."
Me- (Let me start by saying Bob had'nt said a word to me since he had gotten here..40 mins ago and comes out of left field with this interesting convo)
" Well bob, that sucks you should get one of those rascal things. "
B- " I think its a corn that is hurting me.."
Me- " .........hmmm...ouch"
B - " Actually the foot man said that it is my bone sticking out through the bottom wanna take a gander"
Me ( trying not to "upchuck") "Bob you need to keep your foot in your shoe away from me on the other side of the counter ."
Bob's wife went out shopping after her treatment and left him here....he fell asleep with his mouth wide open...snoring.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helen called back later in the day to update me? WTF man.
H- " The diarrhea has stopped a little, the Upchucking is still pretty nasty"
Me- ".................(ughhh) Well maybe you should get off the phone and rest"
H-" Well call me back in a few hours to check on me ok? will you do that? Will you call me back?"
Me- ( is she kidding?....It's the flu lady you made it through the depression a war the 70's I'm sure you will survive a stomach bug)....I will have the doc give ya a call in a bit...."
Joe can handle this one for a while.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lastly john
J-" You watch 60 mins"
ME-"ehh sometimes why..." (why...always my first mistake)
J-" Andy Rooney can go and shove something up his you know what"
Me- whheeww oh no you didn't......
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
No Assembly required
I will never ever buy another piece of furniture that has to be put together AGAIN. 3 hours later my high top table and 4 high top charis are assembled.......Why did it take so long you may ask, Well you silly internet I put it together in the living room so I could watch The Real World and when I went to carry it into the kitchen it didnt fit through the doorway so I had to take it apart again and get it in there. A little advice from me......do not mix wine and furniture assembly at 12:00am.....the 2 just don't mix well
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
HOLY. CRAP. BATMAN.
So I got an email today about my blog from an editor at....ELLE magazine www.ELLEGIRL.com. They like me they really like me. I can hardly contain my self I don't know weather or not to pee my pants from excitement, or puke. This editor said that they could be interested in WORKING with ME.....uh helllllooo how stellar would that be? It is taking all the strength I have to not call her back at the number she gave me. At this point I would probably pay them to let me blog for there site/magazine. So, I have to hold off until I get off this natural high and get my head together, so I can talk business. Keep your fingers crossed.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
It's all down hill from here.....
8:00am My first patients comes shuffling through the door with her walker and plastic bag covering here new hair do. She is about 70 and can hardly move. She has a hump on her back and toots every time she takes a step....pleasent....As she makes her way over to my desk she reaches into her gym bag. Yes, she has started to lug around a gym bag with her everywhere she goes. She keeps it filled with magazines on animal rights, Greek recipes, and random literature. Because you never know when you may run into a hungry Greek man looking for literature on hearing aides who also is ill informed on the growing rates of animal kill shelters....... whheww....anyway getting off topic here.....so she rummages into her large bag of crap and pulls out a copy of a article from a magazine hands it to me and says..."I think this will do you some good". So as with the other pamphlets I receive I toss it on my desk stick her in a room and head back to see what she brought in....I started reading it and it is all about how I have reached my peak in life at age 21 and its all down hill from here.....WOW this is exactly what I want to be hearing while half asleep and a little hungover from a long night of guitar hero and drinks with friends. The article goes on to say that I am loosing flexibility and my bone mass is already depleting. It said my brain is loosing fluid around it and my memory will start to decline in a few years......??????....What the hell. It said that by age 20 your calcium levels start dropping, and I should be taking supplements. Supplements I'm freaking 21 i don't need to be taking supplements. Next it will be saying I need to start drinking boots or ensure. If that isn't goddamn depression I don't know what is. There was also a lot of other crap in their that I really couldn't choke down that early in the morning. I shredded the article and went to the gas station up the road to get a vitamin water, because you know now that I'm becoming an old hag I should try and get vitamins anywhere I can. Upon my return back to work I called my mom told her the lovely news, and asked her if she wanted a copy....hehehe. When the old lady came out and asked me what I thought I said "Helen, that was too goddamn depression for 8 in the morning. I would much rather of gotten another freaking baklava recipe"
Friday, February 29, 2008
Quick update
I receive a few emails asking why I haven't posted in awhile...people wondering if I am dead. Well I am in fact not dead and very much alive. No need to fret people. SO I will give you a Little update of what has been going on lately.........
Paintball....Is right up there with dodge ball, cruel and just plain mean. Dave and I played over the past weekend. These were the thoughts running through my head at the time- 1. why would you want to shoot your friends. - 2. If I curl up into a ball maybe they will feel bad for me and not shoot me - 3. why the bloody hell does my mask keep fogging up and I cannot see anything li
terly nothing. -4. where the hell is Dave so I can shoot his ass up for dragging me here. - 5. IM OUT I'M OUT!!!! DON'T SHOOT!!!! ...as you would probably figure this didn't end well for me... 50 cents go nothing on this Bi-atch I got shot over 10 times and I am alive to talk about it.
A soccer mom had a nervous break down in the middle of the waiting room at work...Full blow Brittney spears moment.....crying laughing screaming...THEN!!!! I got her into a room Joe went in to start treatments he opened the door and she was standing there in nothing but her birthday suit...butt ass naked. She then looked at him and said does this look good to ya?????? She flashed her VA jay jay.. Joe muttered a slew of Chinese and left the room....I don't think she'll becoming back.
Dave has been OBSESSING about buying some sort of plant for the apartment. He has never ever showed any interest in plants or nature for that matter so I am a little confused. I picked up a shamrock plant and he told me that in fact it was not a plant just a ploy for me to keep his polish roots down and rub my irishness in his face........?????????..... Yea.. sure bud, what ever you say I all about suppressing your polack-ness..... he cracks me up.
I have a very exciting fun filled weekend.....and sadly it does not include a bottle of The CAPTAIN or margaritas. CURTAIN SHOPPING....oh yea... I'm going crazy.... but you can bet your ass I wont be paint balling with Dave.
Paintball....Is right up there with dodge ball, cruel and just plain mean. Dave and I played over the past weekend. These were the thoughts running through my head at the time- 1. why would you want to shoot your friends. - 2. If I curl up into a ball maybe they will feel bad for me and not shoot me - 3. why the bloody hell does my mask keep fogging up and I cannot see anything li
terly nothing. -4. where the hell is Dave so I can shoot his ass up for dragging me here. - 5. IM OUT I'M OUT!!!! DON'T SHOOT!!!! ...as you would probably figure this didn't end well for me... 50 cents go nothing on this Bi-atch I got shot over 10 times and I am alive to talk about it.
A soccer mom had a nervous break down in the middle of the waiting room at work...Full blow Brittney spears moment.....crying laughing screaming...THEN!!!! I got her into a room Joe went in to start treatments he opened the door and she was standing there in nothing but her birthday suit...butt ass naked. She then looked at him and said does this look good to ya?????? She flashed her VA jay jay.. Joe muttered a slew of Chinese and left the room....I don't think she'll becoming back.
Dave has been OBSESSING about buying some sort of plant for the apartment. He has never ever showed any interest in plants or nature for that matter so I am a little confused. I picked up a shamrock plant and he told me that in fact it was not a plant just a ploy for me to keep his polish roots down and rub my irishness in his face........?????????..... Yea.. sure bud, what ever you say I all about suppressing your polack-ness..... he cracks me up.
I have a very exciting fun filled weekend.....and sadly it does not include a bottle of The CAPTAIN or margaritas. CURTAIN SHOPPING....oh yea... I'm going crazy.... but you can bet your ass I wont be paint balling with Dave.
she's might mighty just letting it all hang out.
Quick recap of the day....
Soccer mom has full blow britney spears like break down.
after getting her to stop crying/laughing hystarically I get her into a room. She proceeds to get on her cell phone, and verbally attack the poor time warner cable people about over charging her for her monthly service.....becasue ya know now is a great time to take care of that. I leave her in the room with some water and a box of tissues.....
The crying stops...all I hear is a long stream of sniffles from my desk...Joe enters her room to start her treatment.
The door slams....and a slew of chinese cursing is heard from down the hall....*great*
Crazy Bee-otch takes her pants off and flashes joe her va jay jay....I gurantee she doesn't come back again.
Soccer mom has full blow britney spears like break down.
after getting her to stop crying/laughing hystarically I get her into a room. She proceeds to get on her cell phone, and verbally attack the poor time warner cable people about over charging her for her monthly service.....becasue ya know now is a great time to take care of that. I leave her in the room with some water and a box of tissues.....
The crying stops...all I hear is a long stream of sniffles from my desk...Joe enters her room to start her treatment.
The door slams....and a slew of chinese cursing is heard from down the hall....*great*
Crazy Bee-otch takes her pants off and flashes joe her va jay jay....I gurantee she doesn't come back again.
Monday, February 18, 2008
hold on is today Friday???
So, I woke up in a hurry. Ran into the bathroom started getting ready (without my glasses on, because I fell asleep with them on so they were lost somewhere in the abyss of blankets and pillows.) Smeared on a little make up threw my hair up in a claw got dressed and ran out the door. Got to work oh about 10min late...hmm not too bad. Im doing my usually routine surfing the web getting rooms and charts together, and I notice that some patients are giving me some strange looks. nothing out of the ordinary I thought so I continue on with my morning. Joe was late also so I barely saw him at all this morning. so about 20 mins ago one of my favorite patients came in, and yes I can have favorites and give them special privallges, because frankly the rest of these people that come in are rude and piss me off. She is an 80 year old lady who does karate and is just so wonderfully cute you want to pick her up and squeeze her until she pops. I restrain my self from doing this becasue, I figure it would be frowned upon. She reminds me alot of my marney (my great grandmother, who was a 4'10 ball of fire that could light up a room) Anyways she comes and sits next to me at my desk takes one look at me and yells "Oh my sweetpea what did you do to your nose? did someone hit-cha want me to teach ya a few moves" and Im all what are you talking about.....So i get up look in the mirror and sure enough....I have one of those breathe strip things on my nose that I forgot to take off from last night, because I woke up in a hurry, and couldn't find my glasses making me totally blind....It was like one big domino effect...and FYI those breathe strips are a total piece of crap....they dont do anything. I was still all stuffy when I woke up this morning... can't wait to see what else the day shall bring
Friday, February 15, 2008
strike 3 your out
Over the past few weeks I have had some issues while at our lovely local gas stations.
A few weeks ago I went to quick fill a full service gas station where they pump it for you...Sweet luxury if you ask me. So I see the mile long line and the one poor guy working the pump. Annoyed, but this does not deter me, the thought of getting out in the sub negative temperatures is enough to make you cringe. So I get in line behind all the other cold lazy SOB's and patiently wait for the creepy dude. Once it is my turn to pull up I roll down the window and politely ask for 20$. He obliged and started to fill it up...then walked away to get a few other cars going. After a while he comes back...and I got out 25$ (5$ for a tip) and he said 52$....."....well here ya go have a good night stay warm I say" I figured that he had just gotten me confused with another car so I gave him a wad of cash and went on my merry way. The further I got down the road the higher my little gas needle climbed. By the time I got home it was full. I contemplated heading back but in the end I decided that I am a nice person and deserve a break once and awhile in life. (I have not been back to this gas station since in fear that they will get me.)
Fast-forward a few weeks.
I pull into the Hess in the freezing cold snow storm (I would normally got to quick fill but ya know...) and I stick my card in the pump.... it doesn't read it, and tells me to make my FIRST trip inside.... The incompetent blonde dirty girl says, "Give it another go." FINE...back out I go. I get to the Pump and nothing...BACK INSIDE I go. "Well how about you prepay" where her words of wisdom. FINE. 20$ dollars on my bank card......back outside. I start to pump and then it stopped every 10 cents. What the fuck??...Back in the goddamn Hess station......."ITS NOT WORKING" "ok well pick a different pump she says" "FINE" and I stomp back outside... I pull ahead to the next pump Throw in 20 bucks and start to pull away......All of a sudden this crazy blonde mess comes running outside waving a phone in the air screaming at me. So I stop, she starts banging on the window...by this point I am praying too little baby Jesus to give me the strength not to beat her with my gas cap... "I’m gonna call the police you need to come inside and pay again ra ra ra ra" This retard FORGOT I PRE PAID.... So I had a little badger attack on her and let her have it...and after my screaming match with the gas station attendant she in formed that "This was strike one, and one more strike I will be banned from the Hess." Like there aren’t 4 other gas stations on this road. A real big loss to me here. I called her crazy whore got back in the car and was on my way home.....
A few weeks ago I went to quick fill a full service gas station where they pump it for you...Sweet luxury if you ask me. So I see the mile long line and the one poor guy working the pump. Annoyed, but this does not deter me, the thought of getting out in the sub negative temperatures is enough to make you cringe. So I get in line behind all the other cold lazy SOB's and patiently wait for the creepy dude. Once it is my turn to pull up I roll down the window and politely ask for 20$. He obliged and started to fill it up...then walked away to get a few other cars going. After a while he comes back...and I got out 25$ (5$ for a tip) and he said 52$....."....well here ya go have a good night stay warm I say" I figured that he had just gotten me confused with another car so I gave him a wad of cash and went on my merry way. The further I got down the road the higher my little gas needle climbed. By the time I got home it was full. I contemplated heading back but in the end I decided that I am a nice person and deserve a break once and awhile in life. (I have not been back to this gas station since in fear that they will get me.)
Fast-forward a few weeks.
I pull into the Hess in the freezing cold snow storm (I would normally got to quick fill but ya know...) and I stick my card in the pump.... it doesn't read it, and tells me to make my FIRST trip inside.... The incompetent blonde dirty girl says, "Give it another go." FINE...back out I go. I get to the Pump and nothing...BACK INSIDE I go. "Well how about you prepay" where her words of wisdom. FINE. 20$ dollars on my bank card......back outside. I start to pump and then it stopped every 10 cents. What the fuck??...Back in the goddamn Hess station......."ITS NOT WORKING" "ok well pick a different pump she says" "FINE" and I stomp back outside... I pull ahead to the next pump Throw in 20 bucks and start to pull away......All of a sudden this crazy blonde mess comes running outside waving a phone in the air screaming at me. So I stop, she starts banging on the window...by this point I am praying too little baby Jesus to give me the strength not to beat her with my gas cap... "I’m gonna call the police you need to come inside and pay again ra ra ra ra" This retard FORGOT I PRE PAID.... So I had a little badger attack on her and let her have it...and after my screaming match with the gas station attendant she in formed that "This was strike one, and one more strike I will be banned from the Hess." Like there aren’t 4 other gas stations on this road. A real big loss to me here. I called her crazy whore got back in the car and was on my way home.....
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
shhhh....
Krikey, we have just spotted the North American white boy doing his unusual mating dance. You must not be to loud so we don't startle him. The North American White Boy or I like to refer to him as N.A.W.B. He enjoys burger king meals KING SIZED, Beer, and video games. His dislikes include spiders any form of housework and all reality shows.
I wonder how he would feel if he knew I posted this video of him I secretly taped. hahahaha. This is what he gets for not reading my blog. Don't ya love the dance clothes? hahaha I have a few others to come.
Monday, February 11, 2008
I feel pretty, Oh so pretty
This is pretty Mirror I picked up at Target from their global bazaar collection for like $40.00. I love the starburst design and the shawdows the mother of pearl circles casts on the wall. I even hung It up all by myself......3 screws and 5 holes later it was up. Im sure the neighbors upstairs appreciated the thud of the electric screw drviver slamming into the wall and the cursing everytime I attempted a new screw. Dave HATES it, oh well. I guess I would be questioning our relationship if he got as gitty about it as I did.Friday, February 8, 2008
Local Yokel
As any other friday starts I am sitting at my desk surfing the latest gossip news when this old farmer-esk man came barreling in the door like a tornado. He was a tiny little man about 70 with a scruffy beard and an accent that remsembled someone right out of the show king of the hill.
"The name is WILLY, put ER there sweetheart."
For the love of god here we go....it must be friday I think to myself.
"Now-a I done got this here paper from the lawyers down in the big city buildings"
(reffering to binghamton..big city...ha)
So I took a gander at his paper work...this hillbilly talk is contagious)....once I told him that his appointment here was canceld a week ago he rambled off into a slew off "WELL-a god dang im gonna takem them there guys and im gonna god dang punch-em in-dar slick hair style did heads....
"you go with your bad self WILLY"
and just like that he spun out of here muttering to himself under his breath how he was gonna take em city boys and go like dis er er errr.
"The name is WILLY, put ER there sweetheart."
For the love of god here we go....it must be friday I think to myself.
"Now-a I done got this here paper from the lawyers down in the big city buildings"
(reffering to binghamton..big city...ha)
So I took a gander at his paper work...this hillbilly talk is contagious)....once I told him that his appointment here was canceld a week ago he rambled off into a slew off "WELL-a god dang im gonna takem them there guys and im gonna god dang punch-em in-dar slick hair style did heads....
"you go with your bad self WILLY"
and just like that he spun out of here muttering to himself under his breath how he was gonna take em city boys and go like dis er er errr.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
how YOU doing
Out with my brother last night...and we went to the drive through window at Taco Bell.....(mmmm quesadillas)..... We pull up to the window after what seemed like an eternity of waiting for my crispy little pocket of love....(mmm quesadillas).... he looks at the man and says...."Well, what took so long junior???"
I lost it laughing...You know the kind, the silent shaking tear filled hope you dont pee your pants kind of laugh. He is his funniest when he does not try. The kid cracks me up.
Upon dropping him off he sits in my passenger seat he lets one ripp, looks at me and yells "how YOUUUU doing"?...and departs from my car. Ah yes, family....
I lost it laughing...You know the kind, the silent shaking tear filled hope you dont pee your pants kind of laugh. He is his funniest when he does not try. The kid cracks me up.
Upon dropping him off he sits in my passenger seat he lets one ripp, looks at me and yells "how YOUUUU doing"?...and departs from my car. Ah yes, family....
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